To say the least, I love food. Like anybody else, I need “grub” to survive (obviously), and also like anybody else, I have food that I dislike. I’m not a picky eater, and I don’t have that many foods that I will absolutely refuse to eat. There are two, just two, things that I will never ever, ever touch.

Peaches. Oh, those fuzzy, hairy, evil fruits. I don’t eat peaches now and never will. I have a valid excuse for not consuming peaches, too. I’m allergic to them. Yes, you read that right; I’m allergic to peaches. One bite and I break into hives a couple hours later.

Second, eggplants. I have this irrational fear of eggplants since I was a kid. It’s not because of its mushy texture or its abnormal purple color or even its gross aftertaste. Growing up, I thought eggplants were cooked shoes, and no, I’m not joking.

In short, I thought my mom said “shoes,” when in reality, she had said “eggplants.” Before you assume that I have terrible hearing because “shoes” and “eggplants” sound nothing alike, know that my mom said this in Chinese. In Chinese, “shoes” and “eggplants” sound almost exactly the same; there is literally only one syllable that differentiates between the two, so it’s fairly easy to mistake one for the other. To this day, I’m still a bit suspicious of eggplant and its true nature. To be honest, though, cooked eggplants do kind of look like chopped-up, purple Doc Martens.

Sincerely,

Michelle Bau